One of the saddest things in life is how much time we spend not living. I find it unfair and cruel that our lives are controlled by things that in the end have no meaning. Our lives are stolen by occupation, conformity, obedience, and acceptance. We are, more times than not, forced to ignore our true callings. All for the sake of what, to some people, makes sense. As free as we are, we are surprisingly not free. We have to be mindful of what we wear, how we speak, how we do our hair, and where we work. Our lives are not our own. And for me that is a problem.
I understand that we have to conform to some extent. But what I don’t understand is why we have to sacrifice so much of ourselves to do it. We only get one life and we should be able to live that life how we see fit. If we are not causing anyone else harm, we should be able to be who we want to be. I’m sure there are some people out there who will think I’m naïve. Well, I’m not naïve. I just see the bigger more spectacular picture.
My greatest fear is leaving this body with a list of what ifs and regrets. I am terrified of laying on my deathbed saddened by how much I didn’t experience and by how much I held myself back. Work is fun but play is more fun and working while playing is the funnest of all. The world tells you, you can’t, and I believe you can. We can find the happy medium. Who says you can’t be the women in the $3,000 suit with the stylish purple hair? Maybe you want to be the mom who is an awesome rockstar.
Labels and stereotypes are for the simple minded. We all should be able to be who we want to be. I just turned thirty. And hand in hand with thirty comes the expectation that you will act like an adult. I am more mature in my new role than I was in my twenties. Something else that has accompanied me across the line of thirty is a younger feeling than I’ve ever felt in my twenties and also a healthy dose of confidence. I feel more myself than I’ve felt my entire life. And what I’m going to do is be true to myself, regardless of all else.
I am a triangle in a square world and I will embrace that fact with every ounce that is me. As should you. Never hold yourself back for the sake of someone else. Not your children and not your mate. Because in the end the only person that you will be answering to is yourself. We can find the healthy balance. Everything is possible.
